The most powerful question anyone has ever asked me is this-
"Did you grow a tail?"
I came home with tears pouring down my face and I rapidly wiped them off wanting to avoid my parents' questioning glances. That didn't fool my Dad one bit. One look at me and he knew something was up. In a warm bearhug, he swooped me near him and asked what the matter was.
Out came the suppressed sobs and gasping for breath, I said, "Dad, my best friend called me a monkey and an idiot." He could see I was hurting. Nevertheless, a chuckle escaped his lips, and he said, "I have a story for us. Come on, sit, let's talk."
This is the story he narrated:
You are walking down a street. Going about doing your own thing. A strange man approaches you. You don't know him. He comes to you and yells at you saying, "You're a monkey! Get lost now!" What did you feel and do?
I laughed and said I will ignore the man, get away from him and also think that the person is probably mad.
"Ok. What physical changes happened in your body when that person called you a monkey?" I was confused with this question...
Dad continued persisting, "Did you grow a tail?"
In one swift motion, a huge realization dawned on me. That person yelling at me, had not changed one thing about me. I was who I was before he yelled and after. I had not let his ranting affect me then why did I let my friend's words decide who I was. Just because I knew her, or she knew me. Should that account for more fun or less? So many questions started swimming in my mind at the same moment as the realization had hit me.
Dad said, "If you say to yourself, I'm a monkey and an idiot, you will become both those things. But no matter who says or what is said, it will never become you unless of course, you let the words in."
I was eight when this happened.
Today, after 3 decades I still can use this question to disassociate myself from similar situations and all it takes is to ask myself, "Did I grow a tail?" and I chuckle at myself as I picture it but never letting the incoherent words in.